Chicken Jokes

Cat Jokes/Schroedinger Cat Jokes

Other Jokes

Q:  What do you get when you cross a chicken and a turkey? 
A:  |Chicken| |turkey| sine theta! 
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Q:  What do you get when you cross a chicken and a rock climber? 
A:  You silly! A rock climber is a scalar!! 
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A farmer is having problems with his chickens. They are all suddenly getting very sick and he doesn't know what is wrong with them. After trying all conventional means, he calls a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to see if they can figure out what is wrong. The biologist looks at the chickens, examines them a bit, and says he has no clue what could be wrong with them. Then the chemist takes some tests and makes some measurements, but he can't come to any conclusions either. So the physicist tries.  He stands there and looks at the chickens for a long time without touching them or anything. All of the sudden, he starts scribbling away in a notebook. After several gruesome calculations, he exclaims, "I've got it! But it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum." 
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Why did the chicken cross the road?  
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

Q:  Two cats are on a roof. Which slides off first? 
A:  The one with the smaller mew (mu).

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Take one ordinary cat, one large box, a particle detector, a radiation source, a bottle of cyanide gas. Hook up the detector so that if it detects a particle from the radiation source, it will open the cyanide gas. Set it up inside the box in such a way that there will be a 50% probability of a particle being detected from the radiation source within a five minute period. Add the cat to the box. 

Theory says that the cat will enter a quantum state where it is 50% alive and 50% dead until the experimenter looks inside the box. However, reality teaches us that the severely pissed off cat cat WILL escape the box well before the 5 minutes are up, attack the experimenter and depart just in time for the severely lacerated experimenter to watch the hammer descend on the cyanide bottle one inch from his nose.

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The Humane Society has placed up for adoption a lovable cat that was recently removed from the laboratory of a noted physicist. The animal was abused repeatedly, having been exposed to poisonous gas and also being placed in close proximity to radioactivity. Cruel experiments like this cannot be tolerated. The owner has been charged with numerous counts of animal cruelty. Dr. Schrodinger's cat is recovering nicely, however.

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If Schroedinger's Cat walks into a forest, and no one is around to observe it, is he really in the forest?

Heisenberg is out for a drive when he's stopped by a traffic cop. The cop asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg proclaims, "No, but I know where I am."

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Anything that doesn't matter has no mass.

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Q:  How many kinds of physicists are there?
A:  Three.  Those who can count and those who can't.

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Rene Descartes is sitting in a bar doing what he does best - philosophising. He's had a few pints of ale over the course of the evening, and it's now last call.  The bartender asks him if he wants another drink. Descartes says, "I think not," and promptly vanishes. 
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Old physicists don't die; their wave functions go to zero as time goes to infinity. 

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An atom and an ion bump into each other.  The ion says "I think I lost an electron!" The atom asks, "Are you sure?", to which the ion replies, "I'm positive. 

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Q:  How many quantum physicists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:  One. Two to do it, and one to renormalize the wave function.
(Explanation - Renormalizing the wave function is something that has to be done to a lot of quantum physics calculations to stop the answer from being infinity...instead, the answer always comes out as one.) 
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The following  theorem can now be supported using some basic physics and two well known propositions, namely :

Knowledge is Power. 
Time is Money. 

As every physicist knows, Power = Work/Time.
Therefore,  Knowledge = Power = Work / Time = Work / Money, or
Money = Work / Knowledge 
Thus for any given amount of work, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money goes to infinity (the executives). And conversely, as Knowledge gets larger, Money gets smaller (scientists and academics). QED

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